It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. But if you didn’t do any of these five things during isolation, did you even quarantine?

1. Shared the 10 albums/books/movies that defined you.

‘Day 1: I’ve been nominated by Tanya Stiles to post the 10 albums that had the biggest impact on my life.’

Guess what? No-one cares. 

We ALL loved Nirvana’s Nevermind and grew up on a diet of Fleetwood Mac and Queen on the record player. Those who are close to you know your musical taste and those who aren’t don’t care.

(Actually, not gonna lie, I loved the book version of this and now actually have a pretty amazing reading list based on some of the novels shared by my friends.)

2. Baked a loaf of sourdough.

Suddenly, with a shiteload of time on their hands, everyone turned to bread. Mums and their kids were doing it. Hot dudes on Instagram were doing it. The foodies, of course, started it. ‘It tastes delicious but boy what a process!’ people posted. ‘Not for the faint hearted!’ said others. I had a quick look at a sourdough recipe on my phone (more to see what the attraction was than to attempt my very own loaf) and instantly got a sore thumb from scrolling 18,000 times through the steps. It was a hard no from me.

Also, the only dutch oven in my house is the one my husband gives me under the covers after a nice sleep in on a Saturday morning.

3. Did the ‘I won against’ challenge.

Anyone else get instant anxiety when ‘I won against …’ would appear at the top of your newsfeed? Same.

It started with ‘how many triangles do you see in this picture?’ (I’d get five and my intelligent friends would get like 118 and I’d be like, ‘How? HOW?’’) Then it moved to ‘Aunty Betty and her eight sisters sat at a table, how many legs were in the room?’

So you’d work out the answer and head to the comments where 29,000 people had posted your answer and the snooty person who posted the riddle had been through and meticulously typed ‘no’ after each and every one. So then you’re like, ‘Well share the goddamned answer then!” and no-one ever would. I’ll be glad to see the back end of this quarantine trend.

4. Shared a meme about gaining weight.

So original.

5. Did the push-up challenge.

A really unfit bloke from work was looking stressed on a team Zoom call the other day. ‘Everything okay?’ I asked him via email after the meeting. ‘I’m really worried someone is going to nominate me for the push-up challenge,’ he wrote back. ‘I can’t do push-ups and the challenge goes for 25 days.’

Yep, 25 days worth of 40 men in your Newsfeed, repping mental health awareness and nominating their old school mates to do push-ups because they don’t have 25 current friends.

Ah quarantine, good times.

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