Please tell me you’ve watched the masterpiece that is Netflix’s Tiger King: Murder, Mayhem and Madness.
If not, drop what you’re doing immediately and pick up the television remote. If you have, like all of us here at C! News, it’s probably taken over your whole goddamned life.
So now that we’ve read and LOL’d at every meme on the known internet, tweeted our hearts out and taken Buzzfeed’s Which Tiger King character am I? quiz 18 million times (I always get the toothless first husband) – what’s next?
Here are our street-legal ways to go full Tiger King in your own Canberra castle (every man’s home is his castle after all) before you feed your housemates (aka children) to a tiger.
Three words: Bleach. Blonde. Mullet.
With hairdressers currently deemed essential, and the 30-minute restrictions taken back quicker than a tiger can pounce on your sardine oil-soaked shoe, the time for this “bold” hairstyle is now!
However, you may get a more authentic look by allowing an unqualified loved one to do it for you at home.
Turn that online shopping spree up to 11! Nothing but tiger print! Here are some of our faves:
Run for office.
Get inspired by Joe’s run for president and/or governor (where he polled third people – THIRD!)
The ACT elections are due to be held 17 October 2020. The NSW local government elections have been postponed until September 2021 … plenty of time to get your bid together to become the Mayor of Queanbeyan.
Need a tiger painting to really set off your home decor? Grab a ripper paint-by-numbers like this one on Amazon:
Or really class it up with a ‘5D embroidery’ using Diamond Dots!
Write and record your own music (bonus points for creating video clips)
You may not live up to the pure majesty of Joe Exotic’s Here Kitty Kitty, but go on, give it a crack. You’ve got a world of phone apps at your disposal, and experiences to draw on. The ballad of working from home, a rock anthem on no toot paper – the power is yours.