A month ago my husband was obsessed with TikTok.

I know this because he was on the toilet for unusually excessive amounts of time, meaning 80 per cent of his spare time was now spent on the toilet.

He would show me random TikTok videos and I’d look at him like he was mental. Why bother me with this basic garbage? My 17-year-old cousin told me it’s the best ever. Righto kid, I’m old and am already suffering from social media overwhelm, it’s kinda dumb and it certainly ain’t for me.

Then one evening, while having a few wines on the deck with a friend, it started.

The scroll, the enjoyment, the dark humour, the dances, the love hearts being double tapped through eyes filled with laughter-induced tears. That was the night TikTok ruined me.

@biancaloveshomeshere’s my Family Potato salad recipe ##delicious ##potatosalad ##cooking ##recipe ##foryou ##fastcooking ##familyrecipe♬ original sound – biancawayloveshomes

(For those without children, and who have lives, TikTok is a video-sharing social network used to create short lip-sync, comedy, and talent videos. The app launched globally in 2017.)

Post-deck bottle of wine, I became obsessed. I’ve posted a few of my own videos here and there, trying to replicate a few of the dances that make no sense to me, then I’ve gone on to simply turning the phone on myself and ranting which has proven to be quite the top performer.

But nothing has come close to my “potato salad cooked in a minute” video recipe which in less than a week has racked up an astounding 15,000 views. I’m TikTok famous.

@biancaloveshomesGetting ready for work takes me forever ##work ##gettingready ##kahlid ##better ##foryou ##fyp♬ Better – Khalid

You need to understand my brain is broken now. I sometimes blurt out while cooking dinner “somebody come get her she’s dancing like a strippperrrrr” and my kids look at me like WTF? Fellow broken adults like me won’t even be able to read WTF the same anymore.

I’m a pretty busy person. I work huge hours full-time and have two kids, so I’m not on social media much, or reading the news, or watching television, so now downtime consists of seeing what TikTok has to tickle my fancy, and what other boring shit can I film during my day for all the views. I literally learned that Australia was going nuts for toilet paper on TikTok.

@biancaloveshomesMaybe times are changing…? ##hysteria ##firstaid ##retro ##badadvice ##nbtreasures ##historical ##treasure ##finds ##thriftfinds♬ original sound – biancaloveshomes

Thankfully, there is a huge demographic of working mums over 30 on there. .. then there’s all the teenagers (who were hella upset when I said I didn’t think the Frozen 2 plot was very cohesive).

There’s some hot people doing hot people things, there’s some real ass people doing some self deprecating comic genius stuff, there’s LOTS of dancing, lots of cooking, just lots of all the things you never realised you gave a shit about at 11:36pm.

I’m ruined by TikTok and I ain’t even mad. But seriously, “somebody come get herrrr … ”

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